Piranha 3D review

Ok let me get all this out of the way in as best a way as I possibly can right now. When you see an ad, trailer or generally hear that there is a 3D movie about prehistoric piranhas swimming around and eating horny, half and fully naked pretty people... do you really go in looking for the horror experience of a lifetime? FUCK NO, are you a wee-brain?! Christ it's like walking into "The Expendables" looking for a deep and meaningful allegory for the duality in morals for men of war. So why in the hell would you walking into this expecting more is beyond me.

All this said while I can never speak for everyone, I can say that I did surprisingly enjoy with absurd, retarded delight all that was on the plate with "Piranha 3D". Now I know that classic Roger Corman production directed by Joe Dante (pre "Gremlins" and "The Howling" days) is some sort of high art classic now, but I assure you all the thematic material and anus clinching suspense is still there. Ok all my asshole-ness aside yes I enjoyed this way more than I ought to have. I'll tell you the biggest flaw is the short 82 minute running time that kind of stops the fun of the film way short. Whether this was a plan created to have a sequel pick up where this one left off or a case of not enough money for the big, spectacular money sequence to leave the film on I can't say. But generally these types of films come in riding a mild to high mild wave of curiosity and excitement due to the absurdity of the situation and of the take on the situation, but few hit the mark.

I mentioned earlier "The Expendables" from last week which was looking to be a great return to 80's, big gun action instead it was over CGI-ed junk with about as much fun was "War"; also known as the last time Statham and Li were in a crap action movie together. Sometimes these kind of go off and play ideas don't turn out to be as fun as they could've been. "Snakes on a Plane", "Army of Darkness", "Gamer" etc; all movies that had chances to work as a good ole' piece of over the top, silly as silver shit cinema, but didn't manage. "Piranha 3D" mostly does it for me. It promoted itself in a similar way that "My Bloody Valentine 3D" did it. It had sex and violence in fairly legitimate 3D and you'll wanna see it. And then once you get there who knows... maybe you'll have more fun with it than just a nice accuse to tits and blood on the big screen. Again "Piranha" does that. Instead of being just a gory, sex filled creature feature it works a bit harder to create entertaining set pieces for these things to happen. It may not sound like much of a bonus, but after really enduring a lot of the movies that toss out the ability to get a little crazier with it's creativity in the vice department you end up respecting those little things a lot more.

Make no mistake there is blood and sex and tons of it, but all done with that layer of cheese, sleaze and disconnection with the real world that makes it fun. French director Alexandre Aja has never made a film I fully enjoyed as far as his directed work is concerned. "High Tension", "The Hills Have Eyes" and "Mirrors" all suffer from the same issues with pacing, dis likable or lackluster characters doing some kind of alright things, but on the flip do offer up some nice visuals and editing style and Aja wisely does a lot of practical horror work mixed with the CG stuff. Honestly that's something I respect since today people barely even use make up effects for pick up shots after the action. Here is the first one of his movies I walked out off feeling like I fully had a good time watching it without a lot of 'buts'.

The movie is also filled with former greats now C-list actors like Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Christopher Lloyd, Adam Scott and Jerry O' Connell. Seriously most of these people I'm lucky to see in a major release once everything couple of years in a bit part, but now I've got em' all and while their characters aren't fleshed out much they still get to do some fun things and get the spotlight again if only for a moment. Aja also shoots and edits the film as a cheap, sholck and sex picture in a real fashion instead of someone trying much harder to get that sort of older feel. Everything from the casting to the music to the credit font smells like a lot of the horror stuff I used to watch on HBO and VHS growing up and reveling in it's stupidity. Here is one of those movies through and through.

I know close to no one will probably side with me on this and again I'll look like the blind idiot that just can't grasp the notion of what movies "should" be, but at this point I don't care. Having fun at the movies is just as important as seeing a film that speaks to you internally and ends up effecting you on different levels and blah, blah, blah. I guess at the end of the day there's not a lot of defense one can do for a film with a scene where a man's penis is eaten and coughed up in 3D by cartoon fish.