Usually I get to this a lot sooner, but seeing EVERYTHING didn't come quite as easy to me as it has in the past few years. So while I did option out of seeing junk for the sake of seeing junk like "Night at the Museum: Battle at the Smithsonian" I did still endure some crap. Partly because of the notion that it could be enjoyable, and then a few that I hoped would be enjoyable... but weren't.
Happily enough there's only three this time around and that IS something I am happy about. So used am I to talking about the shitty shit I watched and spending so little time talking about just the good stuff, and now I can.
So first up is Harold Ramis' almost painfully unfunny "Year One". I can't lie I say that I absolutely hated this film, but I came pretty close. The story followed Jack Black and Michael Cera playing Jack Black and Michael Cera just in mediocre customs and wigs. Then to top it off you had a ton of very shallow attempts at biblical humor as the story transcends from something about cavemen (or rather Roland Emmerich's concept of rasta-cavemen) to this qusi-religious crap heap. I'm not saying the bible can't be used for comedy, but it was done very poorly here. Another sad piece of it is that it's the first Apatow production I can honestly say I did not like. And that's dating all the way back to "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy". I mean I even liked "Drillbit Taylor" which everyone seemed to dislike. But at least "Year One" began mildly clever, it's just a shame it ended with a series of poo, fart and pee jokes that weren't even somewhat smirk inducing.
Next on the downward slope is a very tough pick, but one I will stand by. "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" is a picture I can say I hate. I really hate it. I hate that they took something with potential and good characters and turned it into pure garbage. Even worst I can't blame the film makers, I have to once again blame FOX. FOX stepped in, turned into a soft PG-13, had it run for around 90 minutes and made sure it was edited in an highly kinetic fashion to mask just how bad a story it is. And it is a horrible story. The thing has more holes than a slain gangster's caddy and a slew of awful CGI work that's almost cartoony. Less I try to forget some of the performances and even the really uneventful action sequences. Urgh... I'm just giving myself a headache about this crap now. Time to move on.
Finally the crown jewel of poop. A film that I thought wasn't as bad as "... Wolverine", but due to the disappointment factor, poor action, poor CGI, poor writing, poor direction and poor acting by a very well versed cast, the winner of worst summer film for me is "Terminator Salvation". I am a big fan of the first two films and even a moderate fan of the third. I'm not in love with "The Sarah Conner Chronicles", but it works in its own teenager-y way. However McG's... thing... no. Christian Bale as John Conner, seems like a great idea. Instead he's crunches the scenery constantly and gets to a point where he doesn't even seem to care what's going on. Sam Worthington was built up to be a big deal in this film as well, and while he didn't suck he also wasn't mind blowing. Since the films release he has discussed it and talked about how the script really wasn't that good, but it was a good career move for him. And he's absolutely correct, and I'm glad to see he's aware of these things. The action was incredibly stale and tried far too many times to try and be "Children of Men". Danny Elfman's very un-"Terminator" score was also a huge let down. You know what... I'm done. Harry Knowles said it best, "fuck this movie".
Soon I'll begin work on a Best of the Summer column which will be much happier.
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