Scott Pilgrim vs. the World review

What does it say when Sly Stallone can't take an entire cast of established hard-asses and make them seem heroic, cool, badass or for the villains menacing? What does it say when Edgar Wright can take a bunch of twenty-somethings, most from comedies or teen dramas and shoot them in the way an old school kung-fu filmmaking pro would lovingly display the skill and talent of his performers while making them interesting and giving them something to do? I suppose it says that Stallone took what could've been cheesy, B-action fun and turned into a cheap, boring piece of junk and Edgar Wright has actually set down and crafted a joyful, fun, exciting, funny and creative piece of work. "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World" actually lives up and exceeds it's hype. No easy feet.

But amidst all the fight sequences it is at it's core a love story and for the film to work you must believe that Scott really cares about Ramona and that she's worth it. Often this is a highly contested point because not everyone sees romance and/or love in the same light. And in normal movie with characters similar to this it probably wouldn't work, but this is no normal romance nor is it a normal film. Everything is touched with a bit of the cartoonish and the stylized, much in tune with Edgar's style, but less British. So in this case I think the romance can work because it's world and people in it aren't serious. The reason "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist" didn't work for me is because Cera and Dennings didn't seem to connect the way they ought to on screen. Their world was one that was based around music in that fairly pretentious way building up to seeing one fairly mediocre band at the end. Scott and Ramona's romance is centered around just how far he's willing/ how many punches does he wanna take for this girl, but one that he's obviously connecting with. In addition it's a celebration of music, video games, cinema and friends.

Michael Cera gets a lot of flack and I still wonder why. I suppose it was because he started pulling down a lot more roles and said things started coming along quicker with him playing the same type of character beat for beat. Some say he did the same here and I call bullshit on that. I've literally been watching this dude since "Arrested Development" as Jason Bateman's super socially awkward son George Michael; since then I do agree not much has changed in his characters. But with Scott Pilgrim it is something different. He's not that quiet little kid in the corner worried about every little thing and afraid to speak up; here he's talky, ready, somewhat awkward at times, but always on the move and always thinking fast. By the middle of the movie he's gone on to the no bullshit approach. I suppose by then he'd fought half the evil ex's so my guess is you too would have that particular mindset after all that. Mary Elizabeth Winstead ('Death Proof' and 'Live Free or Die Hard') is Ramona, the girl of Scott's dreams (literally and figuratively). Winstead is slowly picking and choosing roles that work for her and lack a lot of the 'look-at-me' presentation a lot of young stars aim for. I actually wouldn't mind her fully headlining a film to see how it works for her considering her body of work is quite good. As Ramona she's snarky, but not quite mean and she's caring in that qusi-hipster sense of caring. Again in this supped up world that dynamic works.

Then the film is filled with great supporting work by Kieran Culkin, Ellen Wong, Chris Evans, Alison Pill, Anna Kendrick, Mark Webber, Brandon Routh and more. Each work effortlessly to be funny and interesting on screen. The fight scenes are done in that video game stylization that actually makes them more exciting because anything can happen as opposed to the regular fights in films. Stephen Chow's films like "Kung-fu Hustle" is good example of the type of fighting we have here. Furthermore it's actually good for a bunch of actors who have probably never fought on screen (Evans and Routh are the exceptions). They inject humor into the battles and a lot of creativity steaming for again video games, but also clever movie odes ('The Warriors' for example). Really with all of Edgar Wright's work you see his love of the arts. "Hot Fuzz" was his love letter to action films, "Shaun of the Dead" was his love letter to Romero zombie films and "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World" is love letter to video games.

But this is all kind of bittersweet for me as I'm writing this after opening weekend where the film opened in fifth place. Granted I believe there was less prints released and people had faith in Sly and Julia to provide something they didn't. Plus the anti-Cera movement. Well I'll say here what I said on my twitter. If you went to see "Grown Ups" or "Macgruber" this summer and are not seeing "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World", then you deserve a kick in the head. I actually feel like I could now elaborate this having seen the picture, but what's the point. If you all want to keep this blind hope alive that "The Expendables" was actually fun, instead a boring compilation of bad action mixed with bad writing and directing be my guest. However at least give this a shot in the dark. People complain about the lack of creativity and originality in movies today, well here you go! You finally have a great and original film out there and you STILL WON'T SEE IT. This is why there's so many remakes and reboots. Get a clue people.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse review

Today I heard a great analogy and it pertains to these films. "I could say that getting punched in the face the third time was the best time, but I'm still getting punched in the face." And thus my feelings on 'Eclipse'. Well... let me alter that slightly; I won't use the word 'best', but I'd say it's the most watchable of the films.

With the right people I can and have sat through all three of these mindless, boring drones people go gaga over, but at least here with this one my butt stayed awake the whole time. Probably has something to do with the slightly shorter running time. But alas everything in 'Eclipse' is pretty much the same as it was in 'New Moon' and the first laughably bad film. Bella (Kristen Stewart) is still in love with count paleness Edward (Robert 'foot face' Pattinson) and the runner-up for any 'Teen Wolf' look-a-like contest Jacob (Taylor 'the sun is in my eyes' Lautner). I'd say in this film her cock teasing gets a bit more heated because she's simply achin' for it. Part of me would find her whole plight interesting and funny if not for how intensely serious they all are about everything.

Sadly though it's not so simple. You see now Victoria (now played by Bryce Dallas Howard with about five lines) is raising an army of newly turned vampires to come after Bella and get her vengeance for what Edward did to her boyfriend James in the first film. The army is lead by Riley (Xavier Samuel) whose back story yields some intrigue, but apparently not enough to explore more of or at least remove us from having to listen to our three main characters groan on and on and on and on about how much they love Bella, hate _______ (enter Edward or Jacob) and want her all to themselves and blah, blah, blah.

Look... is there going to come a point where it's shown that any of these people can act? With two more films to go are they going to continue to kiss awkwardly, snarl during scenes of embrace and take a thousand fucking pausing in a conversation?! God bless the world cause finally Kristen Stewart cracks a damn smile, but good ole' foot face Pattinson... nahh... he'll have to go with a smirk; launched over at the shirtless Jacob who was warming his woman on the snow covered mountain. At said point it could be summarized that Bella pants were officially 'creamy' with delight. But more interesting is those looks between the rival lovers... I mean why couldn't they just get there Brokeback on and be done with the whole thing. Sort it out old school Greek style with dicks not fists. Oh well... perhaps my 'orgies solve everything' ideas are too dated.

Also involving said mountain scene was the following morning in which all three characters are FAR from correctly dressed to be outside on a giant, fucking, snowy ass mountain! Jacob's still shirtless for Gods sake! Then again that part was probably on a sound stage as the entire area looking fantastically unrealistic compared to the other wooded and mountainous areas in the film. And hey why make those poor actors pretend they're freezing on a snow capped mountain if it's really just a sound stage? That's just silly. During that massive logical temperature mystery is the big fight, which I'd equate to the meeting and following beating dished out between rival schools on a yearly high stakes football game that gets out of control. The one plus I found during the sequence was that it gave me sweet silence from those jabbering idiots we have to listen to 95% of the movie.

The fight itself isn't that exciting. Basically I just learned that in their universe vampires are made of crystal, so snap one open if you want to get to their sparkly center. The wolf transformations have grown on me, which is to say that instead of it being laughable most times its more like just another lame element in a big lame movie. Seriously fans... how do you find this romantic or interesting? I'm so tired of hearing these character talk about how important and special Bella is because frankly... she's not. She's a boring shell of a character designed for lost readers (and in this case viewers) to place themselves in. Basically it's for people who want to be loved by two people and string them along till they're finished and ready to be with just one. That's the fantasy this shit has created.

The only few things about 'Eclipse' that works is it's score by Oscar winning composer Howard Shore ('The Lord of the Rings' as well as pretty much all David Cronenberg movies) and a couple of the Cullen family member's flashbacks. Jasper's I find funnier then anything as he out of the blue develops a southern accent and then we're shown him as a confederate soldier during the Civil War. Rosealie's is better as it's basically a 1930's rape story with vampires, but it's shot and played out well. Had the movie been about their past then it may have been worth sitting through. Sadly it's just the same boring money making song and dance that get ill-informed kids all a flutter, feeding them lies about romance and the mythology of monsters. FACT OF THE DAY: Vampires NOT filled with crystal.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon review

I'm gonna aim at this nice. Really nice. Nicer than I feel I ought to be. "New Moon" is indeed NOT as bad as "Twilight", but it still sucks, it's still loaded with issues and it's got some leaps and bounds before becoming a good or even mediocre franchise. When I review "Twilight" last winter I spoke about how great the screening was because it was so funny. Jokes were flying left and right and it ranks up with screenings for "10,000 BC" and "Dragon Wars" as the top three best screenings of the worst movies I've been to. Sadly "New Moon" was watched by myself in a car outside of a Days Inn where I mooched off their free wifi. I'm also doing it while writing this review. I'm slick like that.

Anyways with "New Moon" we get what's on those terrible trailers and then some. Robert Pattinson's Edward Cullen is as pale as ever and his acting is still as stiff as Heff's trouser snake after poppin' a few viagra pills. Kristen Stewart's Bella Swan is equally wooden, but most of the laughs honestly came from here in my opinion. Her three month long depression and nightmares where she would screech like a dying hog in her bed till her father Charlie (who's role is now that of a generally Anthony Hopkins supporting type role, where he walks in gives advice and a pat on the back, exits the room, collects his check and is off for the hills) comes in to comfort her. He's a saint in my book.

Early on Edward and his family leave (you find out the real reason later)and he informs Bella that he's not coming back and leaves her with the words 'just don't do anything reckless'. Therefore the first thing she does after 'breaking' out of her depression is hope on to the back of a motorcycle with a greasy stranger. The movie attempts to provide a reasoning for it, but let's face it that was pretty damn stupid. Re-enter the newly muscle clad Jacob played by Taylor "Sharkboy" Lautner. Okay I'll say it, I like this dude. I think he could have a future. Then again it could by because he's one of the few main characters that knows that the word emote is an acting term and not just a long word for emo. Jacob generally likes and cares about Bella and their scenes together aren't bad. In fact they're kind of good, but we all know that it ends in heartbreak and all that Stephine Myers made bullshit.

We get better CGI, but still bad CGI. I think they need to design a better looking werewolf or something that this point and the Zack Snyder-ed fight sequences come off as like ripped off Zack Snyder-ed fight sequences. Which they are. This brings me to Dakata Fanning, Michael Sheen and the Volturi. The whole roman catholic... operatic thing... it never really impresses me anymore, That was part of my issue with "Angels & Demons". The whole look of it is fantastic, but it's all over done or shot the wrong ways most of the time so it loses it's flair to me. However I will say that both Fanning and Sheen are terrific. I was skeptical about Fanning, not because of her acting (because she can act the shit outta anything at this point), but of the look she has which manages to make her look younger. It still occurs, but it works out here. As for Sheen well... he's Michael goddamned Sheen! He can play anything to perfection. In fact the man is posed to at some point win an Oscar. It ain't gonna be for this, but his brooding and seriousness plays well.

So that's as kind as I'm going to get with this film, okay? Now... here's where I stand. I get why this stuff is popular, but it sucks. Thsi franchise stands for just how crappy a re-imagining of a mythical creature can get and just how far you can exploit it. Director Chris Weitz who also directed 'About a Boy', 'American Pie', 'American Dreamz' and 'The Golden Compass' is still someone who doesn't inspire directorial confidence or storytelling confidence. The dialogue is worldly better than in the first film, but it's a work in progress (I hope). However by biggest beef still lay with the complete lack of chemistry between Pattinson and Stewart and how unconvincing their love story is. The few scenes with Jacob were more inspired, loving and interesting that any of this or the last films dealing solely with Bella and Edward. Bella (big shock) makes dumb decisions with men and the female, have two men fighting over me fantasty lives on with no concept of logic.

Furthermore why this movie is two hours and ten minutes is beyond me. There were a ton sequences and scenes that weren't there to build anything except a runtime. Thus making for a really boring experience outside of the interesting end of the first act and mildly interesting beginning of the third. Then again there is still plenty to laugh out. The end is a big one actually. Pattinson's cold glint and ultra-long pause make the final line even funnier and more soap opera-ish then it should be. But then again most of his lines are delivered in that same fashion. So I'll leave on this, Jacob and Alice (who I'm sorry I didn't mention earlier) are good. This movie is one those that displays the works and look of the supporting characters more than the leads. "New Moon" as a whole is blockbuster of a film that fans will carry on their backs till the next film (which is next year probably) and then they'll carry that one. The only thing I wish was that the press would openly mock a movie (like this) that's actually bad. However they won't because it's made a ton of movie so it must be good. Had it not though I wonder would they all be so eager to suck on the "Twilight" tit. I guess we'll never know.

"The Twilight Saga: New Moon" * 1/2 out of ****